The Middle Wife

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, and pictures of fish they catch, things like that, and I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing child, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'Mom walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Pizza Hut man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

Wow What a night...

*** You'll have to scroll to the bottom and pause the music***

Started off wonderfully..I got to chat with Amy from RIHOT the Mom of the cutest kid in the entire Yankee world...Her blog is private but trust me...Kiddos cute. Amy has a business called Book My Blog. And it is exactly what it sounds like. Totally cool. And really reasonably priced for all the effort that goes into it. Check it out at http://www.bookmyblog.com/ Once I get my blog a little farther along I will be looking into this. Mostly so the kids can have it when they get older.

But then in mid conversation:

Wham...phone starts crackling and power flickering. It was awesome!!!! So we found some candles and the camera (cause everybody should be out in a storm- and just so you know my Mother did teach me to come in out of the rain..it just didn't stick). It wasn't so much the lightning but the almost constant thunder. You could literally feel it. But one of the kids pointed out that my camera is not H2O proof so in I came. And got the camcorder. Cause why risk the cheepie camera when you can ruin the more expensive electronics? But I had too...really. Just in case I had water logged my camera I would still have footage......am I sick or what?

Hello...my name is Cindy and I have issues.

(PS...no electronics were harmed in the making of this post:

cause God protects fools and their cameras.)

I love being a guinea pig....

Note to self...Take photography class......

Our neighbors (AKA The Landlords) Rolf and Elaine make cakes. Professionally and they are so good. They made Popstar a cake for her birthday:

And Mrs. Elaine just dropped off this beauty. Apparently they are practicing for a wedding on Saturday and figured instead of throwing it away they would bring it to the kids. WOW! The kids are happy:And who wouldn't be. Their frosting is beyond compare and the cakes are light and moist...what gets me is the patience it takes to do this. All of it is free hand. I would be pulling out my hair....

So Thank you Mr. Rolf and Mrs. Elaine..from the bottom...well at least from my bottom...the kids tend to run it off.

*****UPDATE*****

Not only was it gorgeous from the outside- check out the inside!! I swear I am not a huge cake fan but Mr. Rolf and Mrs. Elaine may convert me. It's like baked velvet- thick and smooth but substantial...Per the kids : Moist and fluffy(kid one)...and heaven on earth... except better(kid two). I have said it before and I will say it again...Life is good.

PS It was actually too tall for my cake plate........Aggggg! What now?????

Another gem from the desk of Dad

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are.

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God.'

You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.'

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

You might be a redneck if: You believe Jesus is the Son of God.

God Bless the USA!

The Lord must surely love Rednecks, why else would he make so many huh?

Whoops....

OK So Hubby got home last night and I got excited...no not like that....well ok I'll give ya that one...but at this moment I mean in the family friendly sense.

Alright I am either in the gutter or I need to choose my words a bit more wisely. Or both cause that didn't sound much better.

Let me try this:

Hubby called from the interstate and said come on and I did. In a screaming rush (We had to pick him up at the truck as it is WAY too big to bring to the house). So being the organized soul that I am I forgot my camera. And Popstar's camera. And my purse which had both cameras. Thank god my license is attached to my keys......wanna guess why?

HEY.... be nice....!!!!

So tomorrow we will go and take my purse and god willing (AKA Hubby will remind me...lol) I will have pics of the truck for your viewing pleasure. And so should Popstar....I can't wait.

*****UPDATE*****

Nope didn't happen....We didn't want to risk meltdown so drop off was quick.

OH Yeah......

Hubby's comin' home tonight...Hubby's comin' home tonight!!!! Yeah!!!!! Mostly it has been a good week. I woke up yesterday in a foul mood for some reason...wrong side of the bed I guess...So I tried going back and getting out on the other side. Alas I was too late. The damage had been done. So around two I was e-mailing my sister back and forth and my little darlings mutinied. They jumped ship and headed for Aunt D's. God love her. They weren't doing anything that really bothered me but they were catching the sharp side of my temper so she saved them. It works in the end...I can watch hers so she can work- she can watch mine so I don't have too....lol.

Anyway...will post pictures of the truck after we pick up Hubby tonight!!!!!!!

OK It's crunch time....

This is it folks...when we find out if the title is true....Hubby has taken a job that puts him back over the road. So it's me and the kids home alone..picture that obnoxious kid from the movie here...Anyway we will now be updating more often so he can check in from the road. So far today we have eaten breakfast(French Toast and Bacon) and played (loudly...I love this house thing..my nearest neighbors are in a whole other town till Thursday). Both of my parents have called along with my sister and Demi. After the nieces nap we will be going swimming. So if you catch this honey....all is well. PS even if you hadn't been in a dry county for orientation it was Sunday in the South (well it was Sunday everywhere...but Charleston is the sales on Sunday exception down here). Sorry 'bout that.

Oh and I downloaded pics from the Popstar cam...apparently her world is...well.....blurry. I can't convince her that she has to stay still until the pic is done taking. But here are some samples:

Self portrait above....Pie sleeps (or tries to at least) below....

This one was taken by an adult...I'm guessing me. But the camera works if you KEEP IT STILL!!!!! We will work on this skill more as we go. I am also thinking of opening another blog if I can get the title I want so I can post these on that.....I'll update on that as I go.

Later!!!!!!